So, I have been thinking about the reasons/factors that led me to become overweight. I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I honestly cannot remember a time, past the age of like, ten, that I didn't worry about it. I wasn't a fat kid...but I was on the chunkier side. I can remember being bigger than most of my friends and feeling fat, but looking back, I was not. I just developed quicker and really grew into my body faster than most of my friends. I was never, ever skinny, but I was far from being fat. In high school my weight went up and down, nothing extreme though...I think at my heaviest I was probably about 160ish and my lightest was around 135 (this is the smallest that I can remember being). I don't believe that my body is meant to weigh any less than that. At my lowest weight, I looked good and I felt confident. Did I still have moments where I wished I was skinny like my friends? Of course I did - but I didn't feel fat - not in the least bit.
Growing up, I always watched what I ate. Fast food was a rarity and forget about candy bars and junk food - it just didn't happen. Now, I'm not saying that I never touched the stuff, but I definitely had to have some longggggg conversations in my head to justify it. Looking good was just more important to me than the taste of food. At some point, that all changed.
I can't pin-point it exactly, but I think everything changed when I was in college. In high school, I stayed very active and for the most part, ate pretty healthy. In college, my social life took over, which meant more late-night eating, and a lot of drinking...which, of course, led to even more eating. Now, I kept my weight under control for awhile, but not by the safest means. I tried everything...starving, eat one meal a day, liquid diet (not the good kind...the diet coke and cigarettes kind), laxatives, diet pills - and minimal eating...just about every bad thing you could do to kill your metabolism, I tried. Eventually, everything caught up with me and my weight started creeping up. I got lazy, and stayed lazy. It's like I just stopped caring about me.
Over the years, I would go on "diets"....probably hundreds of times. I would have some success, but then something or someone would come along, I would lose my focus, and the whole thing would go down the toilet. Over and over again, I would get on a good kick of working out and eating healthy, and then stop. This is where the importance of finishing comes in. I HAVEN'T FINISHED A DAMN THING THAT I'VE STARTED IN THE LAST 10 YEARS! Not just with dieting, but in my life. For some reason, anything I start, I can't seem to follow through until the end...I get bored, or things get tough and I give up. Well, all that is changing now! For the first time, in a longggggg time, I am going to finish something. I am going to make sure that I lose all of this weight and keep it off! It's been holding me back long enough and I am sick of it!
I know that losing weight will not magically make everything in my life come together, but if you feel good about yourself, things just seem to come together more easily. Keeping this blog is going to keep me focused on my goal. Knowing that people are reading it, and it is inspiring them, definitely makes me want to complete this journey.